Trial and Error

It was 9 years ago next month that Barry & I learned that we were finally going to be parents. We were thrilled, excited and a bit nervous. The fact that who I am has such an effect on an innocent little person scares me. I'm afraid of messing up and having an adult child who is not a brilliant, successful and socially appropriate individual who gives back to society. It seems overwhelming when I really think about it. I have so much to do, so much to expose him to. Yet I feel like I need an eraser of so many memories. He's my trial and error child. I try my hardest and sometimes it works. Sometimes everything is just perfect. However lately it seems that I just can't get through to him. I mean really Braeden, does pulling your sleeping brother out of bed sound like a nice wake up? Is it so hard to study for your school work?

I know how he is. He's used to things coming naturally and unless he's vested in it he won't give it any effort. He does what he wants to do and when he wants to do it. He tests all authority and will keep you on your toes. He's a CONTROL FREAK! He's outwardly arrogant but inwardly a bit unsure of himself. He's kind. He's strong willed. He has a heart of gold. He has a general desire to please when it suits him. He hasn't quite figured out how to play the game of life. He gets caught up in his feelings and can't manipulate the situation to his liking very effectively. He's challenging and he's STUBBORN!! He's sweet and loving. He's an attention seeker. He's respectful. He's a helper and a worker. He has a lot of pride. He's a cuddler who still likes to be babied. He's my first born and holds my heart in his palms. I have a pretty good idea of what he's like because he's just like me.

Yes, I admit it, the things that drive me absolutely nuts are things that I did/do/have done. I do see a lot of Barry in him but that determined and vibrant child acts eerily similar to me when I was a child. I just wasn't that bad but who knows-maybe if I had 3 younger siblings I'd be as ornery as he is!

I wish that Princeton Medical Center had given me a handbook titled "How to Raise Well Adjusted Kids and Not Lose Your Mind." I don't know all the answers but I do know that I pray for guidance daily and try my best to understand my little boy. He's my challenge but he's worth it.